Thursday, October 15, 2009


Is a baked potato still considered healthy if there's a half cup of cheese melted on it?

Those who know me, know of my cheese addiction. I don't really like to call it an addiction because of the negative connotations that word brings along. And cheese has to be one of the happiest things on the planet. I can't call it a cheese fetish because I don't do anything freaky with it. I think I just have a relationship with cheese, and we are getting along marvelously.

Think about it, cheese makes us happy, cheese is delightful, cheese is yummy. The only people whom cheese doesn't make happy are those unfortunate lactose-intolerant types. Cheese and I don't mention them often, as they make us both sad.

My friend Martha is a Cheese Master (I know there's a real word for this), and I envy her. But there are some cheese relatives that are banned from Cheese and my family reunions. Such cheeses shall only be mentioned once: Any cheese with visible mold (I don't care if you're supposed to eat it too), most smoked cheeses, and very, very strong pungent cheese.

Cheese is not supposed to be on breakfast sandwiches at McDonalds.

People who abuse cheese (leave it out to get crusty, forget to seal it properly before storing, cut it at strange angles) shall be forever registered in the Cheese Offenders Database (I'm trying to get this published so that you'll know before moving into your next neighborhood if offenders are nearby). Cheese abuse is no laughing matter.

And at the risk of sounding a little like Bubba, cheese is useful in so many ways; you can put it on rice, put it on noodles, there's mac 'n' cheese, broccoli 'n' cheese, cheesy potato chips, cream cheese for bagels, cheesecake, cheese and crackers, cheese sandwiches, cheese cubes, cheese fondue, cheese for spreading, cheese for grating, cheese in strings, cheese in spray-cans, cheese in jars for dipping. There's cheese sprinkles for popcorn, garlic cheese bread, Cheez-its, cheesy soups, cheesy biscuits, cheese scones, and so much more.

Let's not get confused though, cheese doesn't belong in cereal, or floating in cocoa. Cheese knows its place - and that's usually, thankfully, in my belly.

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